Funny Quotes

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

"Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one."

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
funny quotes, Noelie Altito.


"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
funny quotes, Ken Dodd.


"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool"
funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.


"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
funny quotes, Unknown.


"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
funny quotes, Paul Getty.